"You ever want to quit?" I turn around. She's about 6 foot tall, cokebottle glasses, frizzy hair baretted into an optimally unattractive configuration, hips wide enough to birth sea-monsters. Not that I'm lookist about it or anything, but a woman you'd be afraid to approach in a bar for fear she's a really ugly tranny. "It's not hard to quit. Use wine. Of course you can get addicted to the wine. But it's easier to get off the wine than tobacco."
Now I had a friend in high school who quit smoking by smoking a joint every time he wanted a cigarette, but this is a new one on me -- might I point out that drinking makes me smoke more? "It doesn't have to be expensive, get it at John's [local liquor store cum grocery] -- get something dry, a little red, maybe some whate."
I wonder if the hospital is sending out nutjobs hell-bent on smoking reduction. It's no less absurd than some of the other programs they run.