||[Dec. 4th, 2003|01:54 pm]
When I was at my mother-in-law's house for thanksgiving I had occasion to look through the magazines on the back of her toilet, which were issues of the magazine "I Remember When." which had articles by elderly people about what happened when they were young. The nostalgia in the stories is corny and idealized, but the whole idea of the magazine seemed to be to evoke youth for elderly people. Which seems a little sad and creepy.|
I get attacks of nostalgia from time to time, the latest being Joni Mitchell's album 'Blue' floating down the hall. I was working and not really listening to it but it creeped into my consciousness as a sort of melancholy, a kinesthetic memory of the time in the late 70s that I became acquainted with the record. Not only is the music sad, but it reminds me of Melissa and I when we first hooked up, and winter in Cedar Rapids, during the bleak dead-broke aimlessness that characterized my early 20s.
It wasn't a sentimental feeling; it was palpably unpleasant -- a sort of reaching forward from the past of an emotional state to color my current feelings. It's a little scary -- I can imagine elderly people being overwhelmed by memories of youth and time lost. While I wouldn't like to be young again -- I don't think my next 20 years will be as desperate or scary as the last -- it feels like the longer you live, the more of your mind is occupied with the past...
Pass the Madelines, Marcel.