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Madonna and Child [Oct. 24th, 2006|11:43 pm]
Okrzyki, przyjaciel!
Mostly for elkay.

The first thoughtful article I've seen about Madge's Malawi adoption. (On Salon, so you have to watch an ad)

"You don't have to explain yourself when you plan your biological family; you shouldn't have to justify your decision to adopt, and certainly not to strangers, no matter what tangles you encounter."

Adoption is just like any other sort of parenting -- probably 1/3 of the time it turns out great, 1/3 it's a mixed blessing, and 1/3 it's a total fucking disaster. Which, if you think about it, is about the same proportions as you encounter with biological families. But I love my cousins, and I love my friends who were adopted from overseas -- they're proof that good can come of it.

The biological component of parenting is in my opinion really overrated. Anyone fertile can make a zygote. Getting up in the middle of night to clean up a bedful of puke -- or worse -- and spending hours rocking a sick child when you have to get up for work, that makes you a parent. Among many other things.

And I know it matters deeply to some people, who really feel anguished if they can't bear their own children. I don't judge them; I don't know what I'd feel like if I was in their situation. But there are many children who need homes, desperately, everywhere. In a just world, they'd be first in line for loving parents, ahead of all the hypothetical babies people might have. Hey, first come, first served.

From: elkay
2006-10-25 03:20 pm (UTC)
The laws need also be seriously tightened up before large numbers of people can start adopting, I think. The fear of having your child taken away is very real for people who adopt domestically, and was a serious fear for me as a child, even though it wasn't that probable (being internationally adopted). Financial help would obviously be excellent as well :) And new child/maternity type leave for new adopters too.
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From: alleybcat
2006-10-25 05:45 pm (UTC)
I am 99% sure that in MA, adopted moms get the same maternity leave as bio moms.

I wonder though, if adopted kids would feel a little scared of being taken away no matter how tight the laws were. You will have to speak on this though.

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From: elkay
2006-10-25 07:13 pm (UTC)
Well, yeah, you're right, I think there would always be a little fear, in the same way that kids have deep fears about housefires or their parents splitting up (hopefully) unlikely, but a serious fear because of how deeply it would change their lives.

I guess if the laws were tighter the main thing would be that a parent could say to the child-with confidence- that'no one is going to take you away. Ever'. I think that would help everyone feel better.

I'm not super close to my mom in a best friends forever way, but one of the first times we bonded as grownups was over one of the famous cases where in the end the baby was returned to her birth 'parents'. We both cried and cried in front of the television over that. I must have been about 16. So yeah, it would help, I think. :)
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